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While it may not be physical cheating, sexting is still a type of cheating that crosses boundaries, and it holds the same weight as a physical affair. And we typically hide things when we know they’re wrong to avoid consequences. So if sexting is done in secrecy, it was known to damage the relationship yet it was still done anyways.

Signs of Sexting Addiction

Let them know that you didn’t agree to sext and don’t want to or that you don’t like the nature of the sext. Your partner might have sent the message without thinking about it first. If that’s the case, just letting them know you don’t want those messages should be enough. One of them is that you may get a sext you don’t like or didn’t ask for. If you’re feeling hesitant at all about what you and your partner have discussed and agreed to, it’s OK to talk again and adjust the rules or change your mind. You don’t have to hit “send” or reply to a sext if you don’t want to or have concerns.

Does Sexting Qualify as Infidelity?

If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your partner, talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist. For in-depth information about healing after infidelity, I suggest reading Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, and my own book, Out of the Doghouse. Dr Apter agrees there is no one-size-fits-all approach to sexting; and that how you deal with your partner sending sexually explicit messages to someone else behind your back is subjective. When weighing the significance of the digital dalliance, Guralnik says partners should explore whether the existence of the AI relationship is connected in some way to the real one. Interacting with a sex bot may be, by some measures, no different than watching porn—people in relationships routinely live out sexual fantasies entirely apart from their IRL sex lives without it affecting their intimacy. But it’s possible that a person will turn to an AI relationship because something is missing or troubled in their real relationship.

• It might even be for practical reasons such as feeling safe whilst walking at night.
• “They might not have the skills to communicate what they need or what they’re not getting.”
• To be more specific, cheating is putting your needs first before your partners and betraying their expectations.
• Agree on a timeline with milestones and how you will work together to reach them.
• Creating boundaries around emotional cheating isn’t easy, because a lot of the behaviors involved often show up in close friendships.

• I was counseling a troubled couple recently and he had been suspected of cheating.
• Throughout my life, my gut has consistently functioned as a coherent guide, pulling me toward the right path even when I didn’t understand it.
• It’s all about trusting your judgement, and also knowing that your partner has faith in you, and won’t get angry if you thought it was innocent but suddenly realize your dance partner has other ideas in mind.
• Sudden changes in spending habits can be a sign that there might be something else going on with your partner.
• If they know the other person exists, they might have no idea they’re anything more than a co-worker, friend’s roommate, or casual social media connection.

Regardless, if your partner feels uncomfortable about your relationships with other people, you could be setting yourself up for problems down the road. Your best bet is to try to rekindle your bond with your partner and distance yourself from the other person—just as you would in the case of physical infidelity. Sometimes a relationship has problems too complex to solve on your own, and that’s okay. A relationship counselor or other mental health professional can help you repair your relationship and deal with the issues that led your partner to sext in the first place.

Make sure to check in with your partner often to make sure you’re both still comfortable and happy with the arrangement. When exploring sexting with a new partner, ask how they feel about it before you send a sext and make sure you have permission to try it. Sexting can happen via messaging on cell phones or other messaging services. It also can happen through apps or direct messaging on social media sites.

However, if a hug continues longer than is necessary and you are pulling together in a tight embrace that symbolizes a more intimate physical attraction, it could be lightly classed as cheating of sorts. They definitely shouldn’t be going through your phone or demanding to read your messages. After all, there are people out there who’d accuse their partner of cheating on them just for looking at another guy or girl, and people out there who wouldn’t bat an eyelid if their partner kissed someone else. But, if you have cheated on someone you loved, then, if you’re honest with yourself, the guilt of that might still be troubling you deep down.

It’s a way to stay connected with your partner even when you aren’t physically together. There’s some evidence that sexting can make a romantic or sexual relationship stronger. Results of that study varied very little by sex or sexual orientation. That said, the study did find that women were four times more likely than men to receive unsolicited sexts. It also found that participants who had sent but never received sexts reported higher rates of depression and anxiety than reciprocal sexters—perhaps related to shame about the non-consensual and non-reciprocated nature of their advances. A more recent (2023) study collected sexting data from 2,160 college students.[iii] The study found that 76.6% had engaged in some form of sexting, with the majority of that sexting consensual and reciprocal.

As far as I can tell, we’ve both had orgasms “together,” each of us riled up by the titillating convo, but actually absolutely alone. When someone engages in sexual conversations with another person, disinterest in their partner makes them take an interest outside of their relationship. Many people won’t want to hear the answer to these questions but they’re very important to understand in a relationship. In order to build boundaries, both partners need to understand where to draw the line. There are certain signs to look out for if you suspect your partner of infidelity, but every person (and relationship) is different. If your partner has been acting shady—whether they’ve been weird about their phone or changing their routine or more distant—the best course of action is to address your concerns with them directly.